he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
