Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
