your parents love me but you hate me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
