I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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