It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
