normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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