I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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