Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
