Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
