i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
