This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
