Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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