Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
