i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
