I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
