im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
