That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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