Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
