shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
