You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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