Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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