My room smells like vodka and shame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
