Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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