I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
