I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
either way he was missing a nipple.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
