somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
