how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
