The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
