I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
