Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
