OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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