Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
