so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
