Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This baby is an asshole
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
