I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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