saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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