I think my fart just growled at me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
