david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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