So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
