Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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