Someone shit on the floor
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
