best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
is it fun? or sober?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
