My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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