I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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