I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
