Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
