What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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