so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
