you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
