I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
