thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
