What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
